Posted in feelings, hearts, love, poetry, sad, thinking

The worst feeling

Do you know that fear that everyone has? Which every girl has?

Something like being afraid of betrayal, abandonment, or feeling helpless and not comfortable enough?

I think it is called …

Insecure.

One word with so many meaning. One word that could make everything go wrong. One word that contain feelings. A feeling that could make even the strongest person fall. A feeling that could overpower the good in everything.

And I have to say, it is really bad.

.

And that is what I feel.

.

It can be caused by anything. When you are afraid of your friends thinking you are annoying. When you are afraid if your friends really love you or will stand by your side. Or even when you are afraid of your boyfriend leaving you or cheating or something along the line. It means you experience it.

Insecure has never been my thing. I always feel… save? Not the right word it seems, but I think you know what I mean. The point is I never feel insecure I do right now. The feeling is so strong, even to the point it makes me worry, jumpy and anxiety.

This feeling is not good at all. I can’t focus, my heart beat increase in a bad way, and there some bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have never feel so vulnerable.

After last night I don’t know if I should be worried or not. Should I feel insecure or not?

Well, he looks so honest and sincere. Pretty believable. But, don’t all men like that?

I mean I have an example from my friends. Their boyfriends seem honest and innocent of course. But eventually after they get what they want or feel like they found another more interesting, they leave. Leaving nothing but a big mark.

I don’t want to be like that.

I don’t want to be a short stop, I want to be the last stop.

Last night I think carefully about what I had done. Don’t you think I give too much? he pretty much become my first in everything. Either physically or emotionally. But then, I want it to be the last too.

And this last few weeks, I think I saw some change in him. I don’t know what. Will he leave? It’s not like I don’t believe him. I really do. However just like I said, insecure is a powerful feeling, overthrowing the good one with the bad one.

Most people can’t handle it at all. And some people handle it like nothing happen. It is even worse because it can bottle up waiting to explode.

So, what should I do?

Posted in love, poetry, puisi, puitis, Uncategorized

Would you?

Time didn’t do justice on my feelings. When I think it’s already gone, I saw you, then it came back like it’s never gone.

And even though you were so far

I still chase you then

For you making me feel this way

Like no other

And again when I look into your eyes

There is softness in them

Wondering what could have happen

If we turn back the time

And met for the second time

Would I still love you the same?

Would you still love me the same?

Posted in happy, love, poetry, Uncategorized

You, the one who come

I got one lesson, love honestly and it will come back to you, that’s all…

 

I never expected it to turn out like this

for you loving me back, but i’m grateful for that…

 

watching you from a far already enough for me

seeing you smile and happy with the one you love

well, actually i’ve prepare myself to move on

on that new year eve..

 

but then you show me that i shouldn’t give up

that i should wait  a little more? I don’t know…

I’m happy, you make me happy

then you asked me ‘the question’

 

Hey, I love you too, Yraell… ❤

 

 

Posted in love, poetry, puisi, puitis

Don’t Expected Me

Ku berkeluh kesah
Dalam raga ini
Hujan rintik berdansa
Membasahi hati yang muram

Angin berhembus marah
Sampaikan perasaannya
Kelabu menyelimuti
Menemani hati yang duka

Sang kekasih menghilang di balik kabut
Dibawanya sebuah hati
Ntah kapan akan kembali
Mungkin, tak akan pernah

Harapan yang terbentuk
Ladang bunga di dada
Jantung yang berdebaran
Berganti sakitnya jiwa

Kau hanya datang dan pergi
Bagaikan seorang petualang
Seandainya kau kembali
Jangan harap ku menanti

Posted in Uncategorized

Falling Into You

The rain has stopped

Yet the tears still falling

Even though it’s not good

Yet I still falling

Into you…

Kala damai menghilang

Kegelisahan terganti

Kala cinta berkata

Namun tak bersuara

Kau hanya tersenyum semu

Memandang dirinya

Dirinya yang kau puji

Dirinya yang kau damba

Dirinya yang kau rindu

Dirinya yang kau cinta

Tuhan pun tahu akan cinta terlarang ini

Tapi mengapa dia masih memberikannya kepada kita?

Aku dengan dirinya

Dan kau dengan dirinya

Bagaimana dengan kau dan aku?

Kau yang begitu hangat

Bagaikan sinar mentari

Cahaya dalam hidupku

Menjadikan segalanya bersinar

Kenapa kau kelabu?

Penuh resah dan pedih

Aku pun akhirnya tahu

Bahwa cinta itu perih

Segala kenangan sirna

Segala perbuatan terlupa

Hanya dalam hitungan detik

Tak lagi senar hati ini kau petik

Aku yang juga kelabu

Hanya bisa tersenyum

Andai dirinya diriku

Hati ini akan tersenyum

Hati yang tertahan

Rasa yang tersampaikan

Suara yang bisu

Sungguh perih yang kelabu

Posted in Uncategorized

Secret Admirer

I just know you for a month and this feeling won’t go away
Is this crush? Or I do really fall for you?
You make me fall but you are not there to catch me

Awalnya begitu indah, tanpa terasa waktu berlalu cepat
Kenangan akan kenangan terbuat
Dengan hati yang semakin dekat
Menumbuhkan semu semu cinta yang kuat

kau yang diam diam kudamba
harus sirna didepan mata
kala keyakinan terungkap
meski hati kian berharap

Tidak, takdir hanya berkata tidak
Kau disana dan aku disini
Berbeda dari berbagai sisi
Yang aku percayai tetap ku pegang tegak

Malam datang dan hari pun berganti
Tapi aku masih sama dengan perih yang tak berubah
Ku lihat wajahmu, masih sama tak berubah
Namun disisimu kulihat dirinya menanti