Posted in feelings, hearts, love, poetry, sad, thinking

The worst feeling

Do you know that fear that everyone has? Which every girl has?

Something like being afraid of betrayal, abandonment, or feeling helpless and not comfortable enough?

I think it is called …

Insecure.

One word with so many meaning. One word that could make everything go wrong. One word that contain feelings. A feeling that could make even the strongest person fall. A feeling that could overpower the good in everything.

And I have to say, it is really bad.

.

And that is what I feel.

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It can be caused by anything. When you are afraid of your friends thinking you are annoying. When you are afraid if your friends really love you or will stand by your side. Or even when you are afraid of your boyfriend leaving you or cheating or something along the line. It means you experience it.

Insecure has never been my thing. I always feel… save? Not the right word it seems, but I think you know what I mean. The point is I never feel insecure I do right now. The feeling is so strong, even to the point it makes me worry, jumpy and anxiety.

This feeling is not good at all. I can’t focus, my heart beat increase in a bad way, and there some bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have never feel so vulnerable.

After last night I don’t know if I should be worried or not. Should I feel insecure or not?

Well, he looks so honest and sincere. Pretty believable. But, don’t all men like that?

I mean I have an example from my friends. Their boyfriends seem honest and innocent of course. But eventually after they get what they want or feel like they found another more interesting, they leave. Leaving nothing but a big mark.

I don’t want to be like that.

I don’t want to be a short stop, I want to be the last stop.

Last night I think carefully about what I had done. Don’t you think I give too much? he pretty much become my first in everything. Either physically or emotionally. But then, I want it to be the last too.

And this last few weeks, I think I saw some change in him. I don’t know what. Will he leave? It’s not like I don’t believe him. I really do. However just like I said, insecure is a powerful feeling, overthrowing the good one with the bad one.

Most people can’t handle it at all. And some people handle it like nothing happen. It is even worse because it can bottle up waiting to explode.

So, what should I do?